Half Man Half Biscuit - ACD
There's only so much someone can say about a Half Man Half Biscuit album, so I'll just say that this is one of the earliest ones, a few of the tracks on it appear on other albums but put together in this way covers a whole range of what they sounded like at the time. Thus, it's educational (and essential) listening.
The Best Things In Life
"There is nothing better in life than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro on a Saturday night instead of going to the pub."
D'Ye Ken Ted Moult
"Insulation for the nation, that's the one for me."
As far as I can acertain this song is about a bloke who used to sell double glazing. It will get stuck in your head.
Reasons To Be Miserable
"And I don't know anyone who puts peaches on their cornflakes either."
One of the earliest examples at the sarcastic, weary drawl that's a absolute treat in so many of the band's later tracks. With bleak, echoed instrumentals and punk-influenced vocals, it's a bit of a grower but still worth a listen.
Rod Hull Is Alive - Why?
"Halfway up The Wrekin with an empty flask of tea/A fog descends and takes away my visibility/Yet in this Helen Keller state, I'd still quite like to know/Why is Rod Hull alive, and getting paid as well?"
They've stopped performing this song live since Rod Hull died.
LOL
Dickie Davies Eyes
"A Romany bint in a field with her paints suggesting we faint at her beauty, but she's got Dickie Davies Eyes..."
One of my favourite Half Man tracks of all time here. Partly because the opening keyboard part sounds like the theme from War Of The Worlds and partly because it's about the girl from the old Flake adverts.
YOU know the ones.
Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman
"Well I heard a lovely rumour that Bette Midler had a tumour, so gleefully I went to tell my friends..."
Dean Friedman was a terrible singer during the 70s, but it has been revealed to me that he has recently turned his hand to Flash animation. Watch his brainchild here.
Also to be noted: At this point the album becomes more upbeat, more melodic and far catchier. The lyrics remain brilliant, as seen here and in the next couple of tracks. I've tried before to pick a favourite from this album but it's proved literally impossible.
I Was A Teenage Armchair Honved Fan
"Is this the bit where we're supposed to make guitars collide?/And is this the bit where we release all that raw energy?/And is this the bit where we go crashing through those barriers like what they do in music mags?"
I found out a few minutes ago when I looked it up that Honved are a football team from Hungary. It's odd how often you'll find yourself singing along when you just don't know what the fuck he's on about.
Arthur's Farm
"Everybody arsed around and the Beast Of England sound had been ruined by a busy busy bee.'"
Literary reference alert! Ah, the synthy stylings of the late 80s. I love this track.
Carry On Cremating
"She threw an apple in my eye, cor blimey/Alex Haley was adopted, that's what's called a disappointment."
This was taken from the HMHB website, where the references in their lyrics are explained:
"Gerald Thomas [director of the Carry On films] is the Scorsese of British cinema. The Carry On films combine the philosophical insight of Kieslowski, the scope of Herzog, the intellectual rigour of Wenders and the character handling of Louis Malle. " - Such is the tone of the song.
The rest of this album is made of live tracks, the studio versions of which can be found on Back in the D.H.S.S. But I'll mention them anyway because they are so very deserving of mention.
Albert Hammond Bootleg
"Dragging my guitar round Maternity Ward/I was in search of the umbilical chord."
Another of the best opening lines ever. It's worth saying that the difference between this album and their latest offering, CSI Ambleside, is astounding. This album sounds a lot rawer and less produced than later recordings, the vocals are far more strained (Dare I say angsty? Fuck no.) and sound quality in general gives it a certain antiquated feel.
Reflections In A Flat
"My story seems so tragic/Ali Bongo's good at contortionism"
This song keeps with the bleak tone we heard earlier that was phased out somewhat around the middle of the album. It's a darkly funny track, the combination of slightly unconventional rhymes (or lack of - see above) and the cynical embittered suffering that can be detected behind it makes this track another grower, but worth a listen.
Sealclubbing
"Down beside the babbling brook I was trying to sketch myself a stallion/When the stallion said to me/"That's the third biro that you've broken all day, I cannot wait/You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead, mate.""
Architecture and Morality, Ted and Alice
"I saw the waves of nihilism rolling my way, and now I live life in the bus lane."
I have been listening to this song for years and I still have no idea what the fuck it's about. Love the way he sings it though.
Fuckin' Hell, It's Fred Titmus
"Dracula comes from Transylvania/Stevie Nicks' book's about kleptomania/Johnny looked out of his bedroom window and shouted to his mum "Fred Titmus!""
One of the best known and most loved HMHB tracks, absolutely always goes down well at gigs. And rightly so. The songs on this album are far from the spoken-word oddities on later albums (like Epiphany and Tour Jacket (With Detachable Sleeves); in comparison they sound almost poppy.
Time Flies By (When You're The Driver Of A Train)
"I get high when I'm the pilot of a plane/Touching down in Camberwick and stoned out of my brain/Under bridges, over bridges, to our destination/Careful with that spliff, Eugene, it causes condensation."
Definitely my favourite song ever about taking loads of drugs and watching children's TV programmes.
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
"There was one in the gang/Who had Scalextric/And because of that/He thought he was better than you."
The latter half of this album features many of the band's best-known tracks. This tragic tale of unfulfilled childhood dreams, I think, is so loved because as well as being a good track in its own right, it rings true for so many people...
The Trumpton Riots
"All this aristocracy has really got to stop/We'll overthrow the surgery and kidnap Doctor Mop/and Chippy Minton Socialists will storm the market square/And make plans to assasinate our autocratic mayor!"
If only.
