Something else I found out this week is that Ben Miller (of The Armstrong and Miller Show and looking-like-Rob-Brydon fame) was one of the co-writers behind the excellent and hilarious puzzle game MindGym for the PC.
MindGym may have been the second or third PC game I ever really played, and from what I can remember the main part consisted of solving abstract puzzles while being alternatively encouraged and mocked by the narrator, who sounds a bit like Jim Carrey* but is known only as the Personal Trainer. The most effective comparison can probably be drawn with the Nintendo DS let's-make-homework-fun-fest that is Dr. Kawashima's Brain Training. Except if Dr. Kawashima was less distantly polite and more open to smoking pot.
What I'm trying to say is this: the main object of MindGym was to develop different parts of the brain than ordinary puzzle games in a fun and innovative way, a feat that has not been accomplished with an equal degree of humour and originality before or since. Incidentally, it was also the first game ever to win the BAFTA for Interactive Entertainment back in 1998 (beating Douglas Adams) and deservedly so. The puzzles are amusing and challenging, and the graphics and animation is simply beautiful considering the game was made eleven years ago. Bear this in mind when you look at some of the screenshots here.
Sadly there don't seem to be any plans to release an updated version, or a version that will run on something more recent than Windows 98, but I thought this eulogy would ensure that, among a small group of people on the internet, this mini-masterpiece will not be forgotten.
___________________________________________________________
*Do not let this put you off, it's a lot less annoying when you don't have to look at a rubbery, gurning face.
Sunday 25 October 2009
What Nick Griffin On Question Time Taught Us
People who oppose the BNP are just as capable of being massive dicksocks as people who support the BNP.
That is all.
That is all.
Sunday 20 September 2009
All Sidenote No Substance - pt1
Being the narcisisstic little tart that I am I was looking at my own blogger profile, and it dawned on me, for the first time, that I am 21.
But instead of droning on about that I'm going to tell you something far more useful. Here is the first on my list of TV shows ( that prove to me that contemporary culture is not completely dead.
1. House
Why You Might Not Be That Into It
Everyone in the world has watched at least one episode of House. But even if there could be somebody who hasn't, they would still know the basic premise. Patient is admitted with an interesting illness that peaks the interest of grumpy misanthropic doctor. Patient lies, patient seems to get better, patient suddenly gets a whole lot worse, grumpy misanthrope enters to make patient tell the truth and saves the day.
What tempts a lot of people to dip in and out of House is the way the team deal with a different patient every episode. So at the end of each episode, the story ends with it. The problem with this is that it's easy to think, especially if the viewer hasn't watched a lot of House is that the show is all about the patient in each episode, and the non-patient dialogue and general plot is just filler.
Why You Really Should Be Into It
Because that could not be further from the truth. It is the developments in the characters and their relationships that made the fifth (and at the time of writing most recent) series of House nothing short of spectacular. It was literally the most genuinely moving television I have ever seen. I wept. Like a lost child. And (though I can see how that alone would convince you to stop reading this right now and go out and buy the boxsets) for the stony-hearted there's also blindingly witty dialogue, the clinic scenes which are absolutely hilarious and a particular scene in "Saviors" (season 5, episode 21, last 5 minutes) where Hugh Laurie proves to everyone that he is the single most talented man on the whole doomed planet.
Overall House is exciting, funny and entirely worth sticking with in the long-term. It is a constant source of amazement to me that despite relentless advertising on Channel Five and then Sky One and billboards, magazines, and bus stops that there aren't as many people captivated by it as there should be. Get it seen. You've got no excuses.
Next installment - Mad Men.
But instead of droning on about that I'm going to tell you something far more useful. Here is the first on my list of TV shows ( that prove to me that contemporary culture is not completely dead.
1. House
Why You Might Not Be That Into It
Everyone in the world has watched at least one episode of House. But even if there could be somebody who hasn't, they would still know the basic premise. Patient is admitted with an interesting illness that peaks the interest of grumpy misanthropic doctor. Patient lies, patient seems to get better, patient suddenly gets a whole lot worse, grumpy misanthrope enters to make patient tell the truth and saves the day.
What tempts a lot of people to dip in and out of House is the way the team deal with a different patient every episode. So at the end of each episode, the story ends with it. The problem with this is that it's easy to think, especially if the viewer hasn't watched a lot of House is that the show is all about the patient in each episode, and the non-patient dialogue and general plot is just filler.
Why You Really Should Be Into It
Because that could not be further from the truth. It is the developments in the characters and their relationships that made the fifth (and at the time of writing most recent) series of House nothing short of spectacular. It was literally the most genuinely moving television I have ever seen. I wept. Like a lost child. And (though I can see how that alone would convince you to stop reading this right now and go out and buy the boxsets) for the stony-hearted there's also blindingly witty dialogue, the clinic scenes which are absolutely hilarious and a particular scene in "Saviors" (season 5, episode 21, last 5 minutes) where Hugh Laurie proves to everyone that he is the single most talented man on the whole doomed planet.
Overall House is exciting, funny and entirely worth sticking with in the long-term. It is a constant source of amazement to me that despite relentless advertising on Channel Five and then Sky One and billboards, magazines, and bus stops that there aren't as many people captivated by it as there should be. Get it seen. You've got no excuses.
Next installment - Mad Men.
Sunday 13 September 2009
There I Was
So there I was thinking something bad's happened when my friend calls me at 1AM.
Turns out he just screamed the Ghostbusters theme tune down the phone then hung up.
I'm going to miss uni so much.
Turns out he just screamed the Ghostbusters theme tune down the phone then hung up.
I'm going to miss uni so much.
Thursday 10 September 2009
How To Make Friends And Be Alienated By People
I have friends who write Doctor Who fan-fiction on a regular basis, and friends who spend the majority of their free time in IRCs and on imageboards. These friends look down on me for playing a certain online computer game, which, quite frankly, is both embarrassing and grossly unjust.
With the announcement of the new expansion pack “Cataclysm”, World of Warcraft – and its fans – are getting more press attention than ever. But it seems to me that the game is now what Dungeons and Dragons was twenty years ago a leisure activity that, in certain contemporary circles, reduces you from the status of an intelligent, interesting fellow human to a complete social pariah. I'm talking a total lame-ass. A geekwad of epic proportions. You probably have no friends, never leave your darkened computer den to behold the outdoors, and fantasise nightly about elves and gnomes because you've never seen a woman before. It must be true, because you play World Of Warcraft!
In the gaming world there is a divergence between those who play games on the PC, and those who play them on consoles. Console gaming is certainly the more acceptable of the two, due to its association with casual gaming, and socialising, as most console games have a multiplayer option and several controllers. PC gamers are treated by some even inside the gaming world as people who take the whole thing too seriously, put solitary gaming before social interaction, and World of Warcraft is the most notorious culprit of all.
But this is becoming less and less true. A recent advert showed a young man at university playing Mario Kart with his father, at home presumably miles away, on the fun Nintendo Wii. This is hardly different from the way on-line PC gamers use in-game chat and voice chat programs to socialise with the people they are playing with. Even in the LA Times there was a recent article about the close bonds formed by playing on-line with people for a few hours a day, and the BBC News website has in the past published articles advocating the positive effect moderate gaming has on the player's social life. After all, that's what the strongest friendships are based around – shared interests. World of Warcraft is a particularly social game – a large portion of the content relies on co-operation with other players and working as a team, whether in a dungeon fighting a boss, or in a battleground fighting a team of players from the opposing faction.
However, I would be providing an unbalanced argument if I didn't illuminate that sometimes, gaming can become addictive. And yes, people have died from dehydration and exhaustion from playing on-line games for several days at a time non-stop (World Of Warcraft is actually not the worst offender here, but it certainly received the most news coverage). But the addiction is not part of the game; it is part of the player. Most of the people who play do so casually and without taking the game too seriously – the recluse who spends 17 hours a day killing gnomes only exists in the tiniest minority. World Of Warcraft players aren't some different species, born to play, confused and apathetic if asked to do anything else or maybe leave the house. They're just people, who enjoy playing a game. If somebody made a bad decision such as playing chess for two days straight and died because of it, would there be stories all over the news the next day about how harmful and addictive chess is and how it is destroying our society by turning them all into obsessive chess-heads? Of course not. But almost twenty five thousand people have died while playing chess in the last hundred years. And yet the newspapers can't wait to play a new favourite pastime of their own - “Pin The Blame On The Computer Game”.
Despite the calibre of games out at the moment, and the amazing developments in technology in the last few decades gaming is still not a hobby worthy of writing on a CV, which is small-minded and unfair. There is a lot to be said for gaming as a leisure activity in itself. While watching television the brain is in a hypnotic state, and there is only marginally more going on by way of brain activity than there is while you sleep. But gaming not only keeps the brain active and interested, it has also been shown to speed up reaction times and improve hand-eye co-ordination. Gaming in all its forms does not get the credibility it deserves. It is seen by the older generation as a waste of time, but it is really no different from the games they played or still play with their friends in their spare time. It is only the medium that has changed – computer gaming is a both a form of entertainment and a means of bonding with friends, just like any other type of game.
Except Solitaire.
Saturday 13 December 2008
Yours sincerely, Nigel Blackwell's bitch.
Album of the Month - December
Half Man Half Biscuit - ACD
There's only so much someone can say about a Half Man Half Biscuit album, so I'll just say that this is one of the earliest ones, a few of the tracks on it appear on other albums but put together in this way covers a whole range of what they sounded like at the time. Thus, it's educational (and essential) listening.
The Best Things In Life
"There is nothing better in life than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro on a Saturday night instead of going to the pub."
D'Ye Ken Ted Moult
"Insulation for the nation, that's the one for me."
As far as I can acertain this song is about a bloke who used to sell double glazing. It will get stuck in your head.
Reasons To Be Miserable
"And I don't know anyone who puts peaches on their cornflakes either."
One of the earliest examples at the sarcastic, weary drawl that's a absolute treat in so many of the band's later tracks. With bleak, echoed instrumentals and punk-influenced vocals, it's a bit of a grower but still worth a listen.
Rod Hull Is Alive - Why?
"Halfway up The Wrekin with an empty flask of tea/A fog descends and takes away my visibility/Yet in this Helen Keller state, I'd still quite like to know/Why is Rod Hull alive, and getting paid as well?"
They've stopped performing this song live since Rod Hull died.
LOL
Dickie Davies Eyes
"A Romany bint in a field with her paints suggesting we faint at her beauty, but she's got Dickie Davies Eyes..."
One of my favourite Half Man tracks of all time here. Partly because the opening keyboard part sounds like the theme from War Of The Worlds and partly because it's about the girl from the old Flake adverts.
YOU know the ones.
Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman
"Well I heard a lovely rumour that Bette Midler had a tumour, so gleefully I went to tell my friends..."
Dean Friedman was a terrible singer during the 70s, but it has been revealed to me that he has recently turned his hand to Flash animation. Watch his brainchild here.
Also to be noted: At this point the album becomes more upbeat, more melodic and far catchier. The lyrics remain brilliant, as seen here and in the next couple of tracks. I've tried before to pick a favourite from this album but it's proved literally impossible.
I Was A Teenage Armchair Honved Fan
"Is this the bit where we're supposed to make guitars collide?/And is this the bit where we release all that raw energy?/And is this the bit where we go crashing through those barriers like what they do in music mags?"
I found out a few minutes ago when I looked it up that Honved are a football team from Hungary. It's odd how often you'll find yourself singing along when you just don't know what the fuck he's on about.
Arthur's Farm
"Everybody arsed around and the Beast Of England sound had been ruined by a busy busy bee.'"
Literary reference alert! Ah, the synthy stylings of the late 80s. I love this track.
Carry On Cremating
"She threw an apple in my eye, cor blimey/Alex Haley was adopted, that's what's called a disappointment."
This was taken from the HMHB website, where the references in their lyrics are explained:
"Gerald Thomas [director of the Carry On films] is the Scorsese of British cinema. The Carry On films combine the philosophical insight of Kieslowski, the scope of Herzog, the intellectual rigour of Wenders and the character handling of Louis Malle. " - Such is the tone of the song.
The rest of this album is made of live tracks, the studio versions of which can be found on Back in the D.H.S.S. But I'll mention them anyway because they are so very deserving of mention.
Albert Hammond Bootleg
"Dragging my guitar round Maternity Ward/I was in search of the umbilical chord."
Another of the best opening lines ever. It's worth saying that the difference between this album and their latest offering, CSI Ambleside, is astounding. This album sounds a lot rawer and less produced than later recordings, the vocals are far more strained (Dare I say angsty? Fuck no.) and sound quality in general gives it a certain antiquated feel.
Reflections In A Flat
"My story seems so tragic/Ali Bongo's good at contortionism"
This song keeps with the bleak tone we heard earlier that was phased out somewhat around the middle of the album. It's a darkly funny track, the combination of slightly unconventional rhymes (or lack of - see above) and the cynical embittered suffering that can be detected behind it makes this track another grower, but worth a listen.
Sealclubbing
"Down beside the babbling brook I was trying to sketch myself a stallion/When the stallion said to me/"That's the third biro that you've broken all day, I cannot wait/You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead, mate.""
Architecture and Morality, Ted and Alice
"I saw the waves of nihilism rolling my way, and now I live life in the bus lane."
I have been listening to this song for years and I still have no idea what the fuck it's about. Love the way he sings it though.
Fuckin' Hell, It's Fred Titmus
"Dracula comes from Transylvania/Stevie Nicks' book's about kleptomania/Johnny looked out of his bedroom window and shouted to his mum "Fred Titmus!""
One of the best known and most loved HMHB tracks, absolutely always goes down well at gigs. And rightly so. The songs on this album are far from the spoken-word oddities on later albums (like Epiphany and Tour Jacket (With Detachable Sleeves); in comparison they sound almost poppy.
Time Flies By (When You're The Driver Of A Train)
"I get high when I'm the pilot of a plane/Touching down in Camberwick and stoned out of my brain/Under bridges, over bridges, to our destination/Careful with that spliff, Eugene, it causes condensation."
Definitely my favourite song ever about taking loads of drugs and watching children's TV programmes.
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
"There was one in the gang/Who had Scalextric/And because of that/He thought he was better than you."
The latter half of this album features many of the band's best-known tracks. This tragic tale of unfulfilled childhood dreams, I think, is so loved because as well as being a good track in its own right, it rings true for so many people...
The Trumpton Riots
"All this aristocracy has really got to stop/We'll overthrow the surgery and kidnap Doctor Mop/and Chippy Minton Socialists will storm the market square/And make plans to assasinate our autocratic mayor!"
If only.
Half Man Half Biscuit - ACD
There's only so much someone can say about a Half Man Half Biscuit album, so I'll just say that this is one of the earliest ones, a few of the tracks on it appear on other albums but put together in this way covers a whole range of what they sounded like at the time. Thus, it's educational (and essential) listening.
The Best Things In Life
"There is nothing better in life than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro on a Saturday night instead of going to the pub."
D'Ye Ken Ted Moult
"Insulation for the nation, that's the one for me."
As far as I can acertain this song is about a bloke who used to sell double glazing. It will get stuck in your head.
Reasons To Be Miserable
"And I don't know anyone who puts peaches on their cornflakes either."
One of the earliest examples at the sarcastic, weary drawl that's a absolute treat in so many of the band's later tracks. With bleak, echoed instrumentals and punk-influenced vocals, it's a bit of a grower but still worth a listen.
Rod Hull Is Alive - Why?
"Halfway up The Wrekin with an empty flask of tea/A fog descends and takes away my visibility/Yet in this Helen Keller state, I'd still quite like to know/Why is Rod Hull alive, and getting paid as well?"
They've stopped performing this song live since Rod Hull died.
LOL
Dickie Davies Eyes
"A Romany bint in a field with her paints suggesting we faint at her beauty, but she's got Dickie Davies Eyes..."
One of my favourite Half Man tracks of all time here. Partly because the opening keyboard part sounds like the theme from War Of The Worlds and partly because it's about the girl from the old Flake adverts.
YOU know the ones.
Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman
"Well I heard a lovely rumour that Bette Midler had a tumour, so gleefully I went to tell my friends..."
Dean Friedman was a terrible singer during the 70s, but it has been revealed to me that he has recently turned his hand to Flash animation. Watch his brainchild here.
Also to be noted: At this point the album becomes more upbeat, more melodic and far catchier. The lyrics remain brilliant, as seen here and in the next couple of tracks. I've tried before to pick a favourite from this album but it's proved literally impossible.
I Was A Teenage Armchair Honved Fan
"Is this the bit where we're supposed to make guitars collide?/And is this the bit where we release all that raw energy?/And is this the bit where we go crashing through those barriers like what they do in music mags?"
I found out a few minutes ago when I looked it up that Honved are a football team from Hungary. It's odd how often you'll find yourself singing along when you just don't know what the fuck he's on about.
Arthur's Farm
"Everybody arsed around and the Beast Of England sound had been ruined by a busy busy bee.'"
Literary reference alert! Ah, the synthy stylings of the late 80s. I love this track.
Carry On Cremating
"She threw an apple in my eye, cor blimey/Alex Haley was adopted, that's what's called a disappointment."
This was taken from the HMHB website, where the references in their lyrics are explained:
"Gerald Thomas [director of the Carry On films] is the Scorsese of British cinema. The Carry On films combine the philosophical insight of Kieslowski, the scope of Herzog, the intellectual rigour of Wenders and the character handling of Louis Malle. " - Such is the tone of the song.
The rest of this album is made of live tracks, the studio versions of which can be found on Back in the D.H.S.S. But I'll mention them anyway because they are so very deserving of mention.
Albert Hammond Bootleg
"Dragging my guitar round Maternity Ward/I was in search of the umbilical chord."
Another of the best opening lines ever. It's worth saying that the difference between this album and their latest offering, CSI Ambleside, is astounding. This album sounds a lot rawer and less produced than later recordings, the vocals are far more strained (Dare I say angsty? Fuck no.) and sound quality in general gives it a certain antiquated feel.
Reflections In A Flat
"My story seems so tragic/Ali Bongo's good at contortionism"
This song keeps with the bleak tone we heard earlier that was phased out somewhat around the middle of the album. It's a darkly funny track, the combination of slightly unconventional rhymes (or lack of - see above) and the cynical embittered suffering that can be detected behind it makes this track another grower, but worth a listen.
Sealclubbing
"Down beside the babbling brook I was trying to sketch myself a stallion/When the stallion said to me/"That's the third biro that you've broken all day, I cannot wait/You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead, mate.""
Architecture and Morality, Ted and Alice
"I saw the waves of nihilism rolling my way, and now I live life in the bus lane."
I have been listening to this song for years and I still have no idea what the fuck it's about. Love the way he sings it though.
Fuckin' Hell, It's Fred Titmus
"Dracula comes from Transylvania/Stevie Nicks' book's about kleptomania/Johnny looked out of his bedroom window and shouted to his mum "Fred Titmus!""
One of the best known and most loved HMHB tracks, absolutely always goes down well at gigs. And rightly so. The songs on this album are far from the spoken-word oddities on later albums (like Epiphany and Tour Jacket (With Detachable Sleeves); in comparison they sound almost poppy.
Time Flies By (When You're The Driver Of A Train)
"I get high when I'm the pilot of a plane/Touching down in Camberwick and stoned out of my brain/Under bridges, over bridges, to our destination/Careful with that spliff, Eugene, it causes condensation."
Definitely my favourite song ever about taking loads of drugs and watching children's TV programmes.
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
"There was one in the gang/Who had Scalextric/And because of that/He thought he was better than you."
The latter half of this album features many of the band's best-known tracks. This tragic tale of unfulfilled childhood dreams, I think, is so loved because as well as being a good track in its own right, it rings true for so many people...
The Trumpton Riots
"All this aristocracy has really got to stop/We'll overthrow the surgery and kidnap Doctor Mop/and Chippy Minton Socialists will storm the market square/And make plans to assasinate our autocratic mayor!"
If only.
Tuesday 9 December 2008
What I know is I never knew nothing so I know that I needed to learn...
I can't believe I didn't post anything at all for literally ten months.
As far as explanations go, there isn't going to be a full one posted here. Suffice to say that things got complicated and painful and overwhelming I didn't feel like doing every much. Then things got really good and for about six weeks towards the very end of August and start of September I woke up every day feeling like I'd won the lottery. But my life isn't the kind of one where things like that last, so that ended and I wandered through first semester, avoiding any kind of real trouble and trying to keep my head above the water.
And now I'm back to bitch about toilet paper.
A couple of years ago (or maybe more) they started to introduce toilet paper with pictures and patterns printed on it.
Which I'm fine with if it's just an abstract pattern or even some leaves or flowers.
But puppies?! Seriously? Like, baby dogs? Like cute little furry baby dogs?
Am I the only one who finds this uncomfortable?
Another list. This one's called 'On Preparation'
Things that are in my bag
My notebook
My phone
My mp3 player
My purse
A half-finished bottle of Dr. Pepper
Eyeliner (yep, you got me, I'm a big wussy GIRL)
My blue hat
Mirror
The Little Book Of Calm
Phone charger (The saga ends. It was in my housemate's room.)
A thing that is not in my bag
A pen.
Bollocks. And it really doesn't help that I keep sleeping straight through my alarm clock. I need a louder, more annoying one.
In other news, I get to chat to Mr Ed Bicknell tomorrow, I shall certainly let you know how that goes.
Sorry for lack of content. I've got a few Album Of The Month things to post here over the next few days. Watch this space.
As far as explanations go, there isn't going to be a full one posted here. Suffice to say that things got complicated and painful and overwhelming I didn't feel like doing every much. Then things got really good and for about six weeks towards the very end of August and start of September I woke up every day feeling like I'd won the lottery. But my life isn't the kind of one where things like that last, so that ended and I wandered through first semester, avoiding any kind of real trouble and trying to keep my head above the water.
And now I'm back to bitch about toilet paper.
A couple of years ago (or maybe more) they started to introduce toilet paper with pictures and patterns printed on it.
Which I'm fine with if it's just an abstract pattern or even some leaves or flowers.
But puppies?! Seriously? Like, baby dogs? Like cute little furry baby dogs?
Am I the only one who finds this uncomfortable?
Another list. This one's called 'On Preparation'
Things that are in my bag
My notebook
My phone
My mp3 player
My purse
A half-finished bottle of Dr. Pepper
Eyeliner (yep, you got me, I'm a big wussy GIRL)
My blue hat
Mirror
The Little Book Of Calm
Phone charger (The saga ends. It was in my housemate's room.)
A thing that is not in my bag
A pen.
Bollocks. And it really doesn't help that I keep sleeping straight through my alarm clock. I need a louder, more annoying one.
In other news, I get to chat to Mr Ed Bicknell tomorrow, I shall certainly let you know how that goes.
Sorry for lack of content. I've got a few Album Of The Month things to post here over the next few days. Watch this space.
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